


The loser gets to watch their friends poison themselves, so I think that qualifies

by arrowupmysleeve



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Is there plot? No not really, M/M, Mentioned Batkids, Whump, bacuse thats the way I roll, poisning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:00:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29263929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrowupmysleeve/pseuds/arrowupmysleeve
Summary: Bruce takes another look around the room and considers his option. He has the bare bones of a plan, but it's not a good one. Not that it has never stopped him before, and this time there is too much at stake.The way they came is closed, the way forward is blocked, and what they came for is no the other side of the door. There are two cups at a table in the middle of the room, and the disembodied voice of the maze's guardians has told them that the only way forward is to drink the contents of both cups. Simple enough, but of course, one of them is poisoned."Fucking bullshit," Hal grouses as he tried the door forward once again. He had tried early on to just bypass the entire maze, but the guardian had only laughed and smacked him down.
Relationships: Hal Jordan/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	The loser gets to watch their friends poison themselves, so I think that qualifies

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Febuwhump2021, but it was only afterward I realized I dont know the definition of whump and if this qualifies. Anyway, the prompt for February 7 was poisoning ad this is my contribution.
> 
> I hate making titles for my fics, usually, I just use a word or sentence from the fic itself.

Bruce takes another look around the room and considers his option. He has the bare bones of a plan, but it's not a good one. Not that it has never stopped him before, and this time there is too much at stake. 

The way they came is closed, the way forward is blocked, and what they came for is no the other side of the door. There are two cups at a table in the middle of the room, and the disembodied voice of the maze's guardians has told them that the only way forward is to drink the contents of both cups. Simple enough, but of course, one of them is poisoned. 

"Fucking bullshit," Hal grouses as he tried the door forward once again. He had tried early on to just bypass the entire maze, but the guardian had only laughed and smacked him down.

Bruce hums in agreement but doesn't turn to look at him. When he, Hal, and J'onn had left the rest of the League, they had been fighting a magical invasion from a parallel universe, and they were losing. Bruce had found a way to close the portal, but to do that, they had to find the Sphere of Illumination. And according to legend, it was supposed to be hidden in this maze. 

"So do you have a plan, Spooky, or are you just gonna stand there while the rest of the League gets killed," Hal says. 

"They will be fine for another couple of hours," Bruce reassures him, and Hal scoffs.

"Hours? We all know Superman's two weaknesses are kryptonite and gods damned magic!" Hal throws his hands in the air." And guess what? There is a magical fucking invasion happening as we stand here and waste away!"

"I'm aware of that, Lantern, but thanks for the reminder," Bruce retorts, but he doesn't move. He is very aware that they don't have much time. The League had called in everyone they knew to help them, and that included his kids. Even Jason had shown up to help with his 'not-a-team' and bad attitude.

Hal makes another sound of disgust, and then he strides up to the table.

"Alright, here is what we do," Hal says and picks up one of the cups. Bruce feels his heart rate pick up as Hal brings it up to his face to smell the content.

"We pick straws," Hal says as he lowers the cup again. "Whoever gets the short one gets to stay out of it."

"The way I remember it, the short straw is usually the loser," J'onn says, as he looks down at the cups in interest.

"Yeah, well, the loser gets to watch their friends poison themselves, so I think that qualifies," Hal says with a slight grin that turns into a grimace as his words register. They don't know the poison or how effective it will be, but they know it will probably kill one of them.

Making sure to keep his thoughts calm and steady, Bruce steps up to the table. There is no reason to give J'onn any hints of what he is planning, but J'onn frowns at him in question anyway, so he can't have been entirely successful.

Reaching into his belt, Bruce takes out three Batarangs and hands them to Hal, taking the cup out of his hands at the same time.

"What-" Hal begins but cuts himself off when he sees one of them has a slight trench in it.

"Alright, so we are doing this," Hal says with determination, but his hands are shaking when he reaches for them. He holds the Batarangs up to J'onn, who tilts his head to the side and studies them.

"This won't work," J'onn says after a second. "You are thinking too loudly about which one is the 'short' one."

Hal grones and lets the hand holding the Batarangs fall to his side.

Using the distraction to his advantage, Bruce pours the contents from one of the cups into the other and downs it in one go. He is reminded briefly of college and the chanting of _chug, chug_ at frat parties. 

The click of the door swinging open draws Hal and J'onn's attention first to the door and then to him.

"What did you do?" Hal asks in horror as Bruce sets the cups down on the table.

"We needed to move forward," Bruce tells him. 

"We had a plan!" Hal yells. Bruce can feel the poison start to take effect, and he locks his knees to keep from falling over.

"You are one of the League's strongest fighters. We need you at optimal combat capacity," Bruce says and looks up at Hal. Bruce's vision is swimming, and he wants the last thing he sees to be Hal's face. "It was the tactical decision."

" _Tactical decision?!_ " Hal's voice has reached a pitch Bruce has only heard once before, and that situation hadn't been much better.

"Get the Sphere, get out of here, and save the day," Bruce orders. The words have barely left his mouth before his legs fold under him, and Bruce falls to his knees. Or would have if Hal hadn't moved to catch him.

"We're not leaving you behind," Hal grits out. He slings Bruce's arm over his shoulder and pulls him back to his feet. "J'onn-"

"On it," J'onn says, but Bruce can't see him. His vision is now completely gone, and the only thing he can feel is the solid sensation on Hal's chest against his.

"Of all the things- we had a plan," Hal argues, and Bruce feels his lips twitch. 

"It's already done. There is no reason to argue about it anymore," Bruce says.

Hal's arm tightens around his waist, and then there is the strange sensation of moving without actually moving. Hal must have made a disk under their feet and uses that to move instead of hauling Bruce around like a ragdoll.

"No, you see, that's where you are wrong," Hal counters. "We are going to argue about this, and since I'm the one carrying your ass outta here, you can't just stalk away like an angry koala when I make a good point, and you know I'm right."

" You're never right," Bruce grumbles, and then the other part of that sentence registers in his mind.

"Koala's don't stalk," Bruce says with a laugh. "And I'm dressed as a bat, and you go for the koala comparison. What part of me looks cuddly to you?"

"The part of you that has like ten kids," Hal growls. When Bruce doesn't say anything, Hal swears. "Are you kidding me right now? How many kids do you have?"

"Legally or emotionally?" Bruce asks, only half-jokingly.

"You know what, I don't want to know," Hal tells him, and then he mutters much lower. "I don't want to know how many kids are gonna be orphaned after this."

"They'll be fine," Bruce slurs out, and they will be. He knows this as sure as he knows the streets of Gotham. All his kids are grown up, except Damian, but he has Dick, and they were fine the last time Bruce was gone. 

"The hell they will. You should have let me take the bullet," Hal says, and Bruce snorts.

"What good would that do? Taking away our best shot at closing the portal is just stupid," Bruce says. His head is getting so heavy, and he can't hold it up anymore, so he lets it fall to rest on Hal's shoulder. "What good would it do to live through this maze just to watch them all get killed later."

"You don't know that," Hal sounds a little panicked. "You don't know that I can save them," he argues, and Bruce snorts again. It's becoming a bad habit.

"It's called the Sphere of Illumination, Lantern. Isn't your entire thing that you glow in the dark?" Bruce asks.

That shouts Hal up for a while, but not for long. "You think it will work with my ring?" 

"Counting on it," Bruce mumbles. "Take me to the cave."

"You need medical attention," Hal protests. Bruce feels the last of his strength leave him.

"This- Magical thing in cave," he gest out, and then he passes out.

\--

Waking up is a pleasant experience. Witch means Alfred must have him on the good drugs. Bruce opens his eyes and tilts his head to the side where he can hear the sound of running water, and here is a familiar silhouette standing by the sink.

"Alf-" His voice cracks. Burce swallows and tries again. "Alfred?"

The butler turns, and their eyes meet.

"Bruce," Alfred sounds strangely relieved, and Bruce realizes it must have been worse than he expected.

"How're the kids?" Bruce mumbles. He has to close his eyes again, for just a second. Alfred takes his hand to check his pulse, and Bruce lets him. Not that he could have done much else, his limps feel too weak, and his head is spinning.

"Everyone is fine, Master Bruce," Alfred murmurs and squeezes his wrist.

"And the league?" He croaks out. There is a soft rustle, and then Alfred presses an ice cube to his lips.

"They are also fine. Out of everyone, you are the one with the most injuries, Master Bruce," Alfred tells him, voice low and wary. 

Bruce twists his hands to grab Alfred's and squeezes softly. It is the only apology he can offer because Bruce is not sorry for what he did, but he is sorry for the hurt and worry he has brought Alfred.

There is a long pause before Alfred lays his other hand over Bruce's.

"Sleep, Master Bruce. Tomorrow will bring another day," Alfred says, and Bruce is out before the last syllable leaves his mouth.

\--

He wakes up again what feels like minutes later, but it is probably hours. From the infirmary's right side, he can hear Alfred puttering around, and Bruce spends a couple of seconds listening to the familiar footsteps.

Deciding that sitting up would be a good idea, Bruce gets his elbows under himself and is almost sitting up when Hal pushes him back down again.

"No, no, do not try to sit up, you idiot," Hal tells him as Bruce blinks up at him. "If you do, I might be tempted to punch you in the face, and then Alfred will kick me out, and I do not," He levels a finger at Bruce. "I do not want to miss out on Alfred's pancakes."

"Don't be absurd, Master Jordan. I wouldn't kick you out," Alfred says, and Hal glances over at the butler. 

"Really? Huh," Hal looks back at Bruce. "Then do feel free to get up. I dont want to hit someone already down."

Bruce feels his lips twitch as he reaches for the controls to the bed and brings it up, so he is sitting more upright than lying flat on his back.

"That is cheating," Hal complains and crosses his arms, but he remains standing by the bed as Alfred strolls over and does a quick check on Bruce's vitals and then hands him a glass of water when everything comes up fine.

Bruce only hums in response and takes a glance around the room. His eyes fall on the fold-out bed in the corner, and he glances back at Hal, who clears his throat and looks away.

"How long have you been sleeping here?" Bruce asks incredulously.

"Not for long," Hal answers. Bruce raises an eyebrow at him, but Hal isn't done. "By the way, Jason is pissed at you."

"Jason has been pissed at me since he was fourteen," Bruce counters, and Hal looks at him with a grin.

"Oh, not like this. Jason is feeling petty," Ha says. Bruce blinks and then twists around to check on the Batmobile. The last time Jason had been petty, he had blown up the car with a bazooka, but it still looks fine from here.

"What did he do?" Bruce asks, already feeling the headache coming. "If he blew anything up, it's coming out of his inheritance."

"I'll give you some privacy," Alfred offers and walks out of the room, leaving a confused Bruce alone with Hal.

"How's the League?" Bruce ask.

"We're all good," Hal says and kicks at the bed. "You're the only one down for the count."

"Good," Bruce answers, and Hal narrows his eyes at him.

"I'm so pissed at you right now," Hal tells him. "You could have told me you had a plan! And an antidote!"

"I wasn't sure it would work," Bruce says, and only after the words leave his mouth does he realize it was a mistake.

"You weren't sure!" Hal takes a step back, puts his hands over his face, and lets out a long groan. "You motherfucker. I can't believe I'm actually in love with you. There must be something wrong with me. Do you think I should get my head checked out by Alfred?"

Hal lowers his hands to meet Bruce's dumbfounded eyes. He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"You…" Bruce trails off. "You're in love with me?"

"And they call you the greatest detective," Hal mocks, but he sobers up, crosses his arms, and looks at the floor. "Not that I blame you, I didn't realize until-" Hal cuts himself off. He glances up to meet Bruce's eyes for about a second before he looks back down again. "I didn't figure it out until you passed out. I thought you had died."

"Oh," Bruce mutters, and Hal laughs. It sounds a little bitter and broken, and Bruce looks down at his own hands. He can feel the apology on the tip of his tongue, but he won't say. He is not sorry for what he did. Bruce would rather take the metaphorical bullet a hundred times over instead of watching the people he loves hurt.

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Hal asks, and Bruce swallows. 

What more is there to say? Bruce poisons everything he touches: his relationship with Talia and Selina. Even his kids. There has never been a time that all of his kids are speaking to him at the same time, and Hal wants to… What? Date?

The two of them are like oil and water. When they are not shouting at each other, they are arguing about something.

"What do you want to hear?" Bruce asks, and _oh_. That look on Hal's face hurts.

Hal looks down and takes a deep breath. "You're a lucky son of a bastard," Hal says after a long silence, and Bruce blinks up at him.

"You're lucky that Jason’s retaliation to all of this," Hal gestures at Bruce," was telling me that you have been in love with me for years," he meets Bruce's eyes squarely. "You're also incredibly lucky that Alfred and all of your kids have spent the last week preparing me for what an absolute asshole you can be." 

"Not," Hal steps closer to loom over him. "That I didn't know that already. Considering I have known you for almost a decade, but it has been illuminating getting the inside scoop on your life."

Hal reaches out and lays a hand on Bruce's cheek, and Bruce can't help himself. He leans into it, and Hal's face lights up.

"You stayed by my bedside for a week?" Bruce asks, breaking the silence, and Hal lets out a theatrical groan. 

"Way to ruin the moment," He mutters and leans forward. Hal lets his hand trail down and runs his thumb over Bruce's lips. "May I?"

"Yes," Bruce answers, matching Hal's low whisper. 

Grinning, Hal leans forward and brushes his lips against Bruce's in the softest of kisses. Bruce leans forward to deepen it. He lifts a hand to run it through Hal's hair, but Hal nips at his bottom lip and pulls back.

"I- What?" Bruce asks, blinking at Hal in confusion. His heart is hammering in his chest, and Bruce wants- He wants Hal back in his arms.

"You're injured," Hal says as he crosses his arms. "And I have gotten strict orders to not tire you out before Dick, and the rest has had the opportunity to chew you out."

Bruce opens his mouth to argue, but he ends up yawning instead.

"See? Now go back to bed," Hal orders, but Bruce ignores him.

"Join me?" He asks, and Hal gives him an unimpressed look.

"What did I just say?" Hal asks.

"I heard you," Bruce says and scoots over to make room. "Just sleeping."

Hal doesn't move for a long second, just watches Bruce with narrowed eyes before he steps closer and sits down at the edge of the bed to take off his shoes. He swings his feet up and lays down, and Bruce wastes no time as he rolls over and slinging an arm over his chest, making Hal laugh.

"I told you, cuddly," Hal says as he runs a hand through Bruce's hair. "You should have been called Koala, not Batman."

Bruce hums but only throws his leg over Hal's and closes his eyes.

There is the feel of lips against his hair, and then Hal pulls the blanket over the two of them.


End file.
